This is a re-occuring pattern in my life not yet completely removed from my Mind Consciousness system of allowances and acceptances. Today when I went home*) from work it was right in the middle of rush hour, because I had a shift till half past four. (I shifted – I was not here, not constant). On the platform I allowed and accepted myself the crowd to kind of suddenly overwhelm me. This was very assisting and revealing to me to realise that I was ‘away’ within my mind and not here as self awareness as breath as one and equal. It was not just me within the crowd (within the mind) but also within me the connection I made within and as the knowledge and information that this world is in serious problems the here and now and the next ten years – as to be seen. So ‘good old systems’ of fear to enslave me / mankind to the mind to feed global consciousness system. Unacceptable.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to become overwhelmed by the crowd on the platform in stead of me realising that it is the overcrowdedness within my mind consciousness system to overwhelm myself as breath.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to be taken away as breath.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to fear people panic in stead of realising it’s me who is panicking within my mind and not standing one and equal to and a all that is here.
If I do not fear I do not have to think – so I sat on the platform bench and breathed through to stop thinking. After applying Self forgiveness on this point I have to actually live the self corrective statement of and as myself as breath – this being this month’s DIP assignment as a matter of fact. After I prepared food and sat at the dinner table eating here, I had to speak aloud “Delete” to delete the picture within my mind of the crowdedness of people. This took three times to delete to become more stabilized within myself.
The rush is the rush of information / energy within and as the mind. Thoughts create the energy for the matrix to exist.
I remember breathing trouble in public transport from when I moved to the city of Utrecht in my begin twenties within having to take the bus in case my bike was broke. Usually I avoided the bus to university as this was a busy line. If I had to then take a crowded bus I would stand in the middle to move along with the bus’s movements to be able to stay within my body / breath. This linking back to my childhood years where my brother and me were stuffed into the car for long rides not being able to get out (of the mind that is to say). I have suppressed myself through the connecting emotions and will deconstruct this thought/memory/emotion pattern within the Desteni courses and change. To resurrect myself from the grave of memories.
Also I have been locked up in the toilet a lot by my father for often half a day. This must be correlating with my experiences in secluded spaces.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to suppress myself within experiencing emotions inside me.
Also what happened on the platform was a male human being – a platform worker – was circling back and forth, coming quite near and standing staring at me. I did not understand why people do that. Aha I now realise because I do the opposite – looking away – and within this act I create the other polarity. Self dishonesty here. I suddenly wished I had not let my hair down today – I wished to be ‘unattractive’ in that moment in stead of realising I am dishonest with myself – I am not in breath but within the mind.
Work to be done with myself – I realise I have to face my fears and stop within self honesty and self corrective actions, the reality of what I have allowed and accepted myself to become and exist as is not going away by itself.
Through Breathing – Self forgiveness – Self honesty as equal and one as all – Self corrective statements and Writing we can change how we have become within and as mind consciousness systems.
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[*Earth is home]
To stop this reality before we further demolish Earth as the Physical — www.equalmoney.org