Blood Rush / Fear on crowded Platform and Train (of thoughts)

This is a re-occuring pattern in my life not yet completely removed from my Mind Consciousness system of allowances and acceptances. Today when I went home*) from work it was right in the middle of rush hour, because I had a shift till half past four. (I shifted – I was not here, not constant). On the platform I allowed and accepted myself the crowd to kind of suddenly overwhelm me. This was very assisting and revealing to me to realise that I was ‘away’ within my mind and not here as self awareness as breath as one and equal. It was not just me within the crowd (within the mind) but also within me the connection I made within and as the knowledge and information that this world is in serious problems the here and now and the next ten years – as to be seen. So ‘good old systems’ of fear to enslave me / mankind to the mind to feed global consciousness system. Unacceptable.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to become overwhelmed by the crowd on the platform in stead of me realising that it is the overcrowdedness within my mind consciousness system to overwhelm myself as breath.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to be taken away as breath.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to fear people panic in stead of realising it’s me who is panicking within my mind and not standing one and equal to and a all that is here.

If I do not fear I do not have to think – so I sat on the platform bench and breathed through to stop thinking. After applying Self forgiveness on this point I have to actually live the self corrective statement of and as myself as breath –  this being this month’s DIP assignment as a matter of fact.  After I prepared food and sat at the dinner table eating here, I had to speak aloud “Delete” to delete the picture within my mind of the crowdedness of people. This took three times to delete to become more stabilized within myself.

The rush is the rush of information / energy within and as the mind. Thoughts create the energy for the matrix to exist.

I remember breathing trouble in public transport from when I moved to the city of Utrecht in my begin twenties within having to take the bus in case my bike was broke. Usually I avoided the bus to university as this was a busy line. If I had to then take a crowded bus I would stand in the middle to move along with the bus’s movements to be able to stay within my body / breath. This linking back to my childhood years where my brother and me were stuffed into the car for long rides not being able to get out (of the mind that is to say). I have suppressed myself through the connecting emotions and will deconstruct this thought/memory/emotion pattern within the Desteni courses and change.  To resurrect myself from the grave of memories.

Also I have been locked up in the toilet a lot by my father for often half a day. This must be correlating with my experiences in secluded spaces.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to suppress myself within experiencing emotions inside me.

Also what happened on the platform was a male human being – a platform worker – was circling back and forth, coming quite near and standing staring at me. I did not understand why people do that. Aha I now realise because I do the opposite – looking away – and within this act I create the other polarity. Self dishonesty here. I suddenly wished I had not let my hair down today – I wished to be ‘unattractive’ in that moment in stead of realising I am dishonest with myself – I am not in breath but within the mind.

Work to be done with myself – I realise I have to face my fears and stop within self honesty and self corrective actions, the reality of what I have allowed and accepted myself to become and exist as is not going away by itself.

Through Breathing – Self forgiveness – Self honesty as equal and one as all – Self corrective statements and Writing we can change how we have become within and as mind consciousness systems.

Video Process Support:

[*Earth is home]

Practical Desteni – Thought Designs – part 4

To stop this reality before we further demolish Earth as the Physical —

Mess – To deconstruct my Design of Reaction as Polarity Enslavement

Mess age. People think that having thoughts, feelings and emotions is normal. It is NOT – it is forms of possession (‘to have and to hold’). What a mess we hide BEHIND the perfect picture we portray, it looks ‘normal’… but it is completely not true.

We are Here on Earth to learn to understand who we really are as oneness and equality to Birth Life in and as the Physical.

“The Battle of the Minds (text from video down below)
Let’s say you are in a situation with which you are participating with another human being. And you within yourself react to the situation of and the human being or just the situation or just the human being – realize that in and at that moment of reaction within yourself you are enslaved to the situation, you are enslaved to the human being and you enslaved your own participation within the situation and with the human being. In other words: when you react within yourself you are less than the mind, less than the situation, less than your participation, and less than the human being and less than the experience of the entirety of the moment.”

Blogging my mess here

Points I am gonna deconstruct is my Design of Reaction as Polarity Enslavement here – starting point within and as self honesty. My main trigger points are in the house here – the same designs playing out we designed over time within the first relationships we have had in this world. The mind needs relationships to manifest itself.

Within reacting we allow and accept the mind abuse and destroy true self value as who we REALLY are as equal as one as Life as all Here – within reacting we allow and accept the mind abuse and destroy the physical, which is being reflected to us as us by the world.

Re-acting or answering

You can act in two ways: one is reacting, the other is answering.
Reaction comes from your conditionings of the past; it is automated. Answering you do from within your presence, your awareness; it is not automated.
Being equal and one – others representing my lost particles
I stop within myself this stupid reacting to the being I’m living with here. I stop reacting within myself to him not picking himself up to see for self what is here to work with therefor I do not pick myself up and forgive myself for what is coming up within the mind. I stop allowing and accepting myself to fuck myself ‘having to speak up’ about the stuff that needs to be done, therefor I stop this nonsense – this most times happened / happening on saturdays where we both had together do the physical things in and around the house. This seemed a huge point within and without in which I now can see: I stop getting frustrated with myself over another person, that does not stand up within self and see I as my mind have created this enslavement within my mind in the first place. Within reacting I am giving my power away to something or someone outside myself. That’s insanity – till here and no further.

Video The Solution of Action as Self Movement 

The Design of Verbal Diarrhea

Another point is when I am speaking to this house partner on the matter of the Desteni material and tools I kind of wanted / forced him to study and apply the tools for himself as well. He does read articles as I ask him to ‘as a good slave becomes’ – but only then – so I let go here, I self have to self realise first. I don’t know when it’s his time. Most people I will meet are not realising self awareness, self honesty, self responsibility so I let go of my spite = hate =  fear. I am the answer.

When I react within myself I am less than the mind, less than the situation, less than my participation, and less than the human being and less than the experience of the entirety of the moment.

I stop reacting to the sounds this housepartner produces because I know it is my ‘energy’, my thought-emotion construct behind – I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to fear ‘(t)his energy’ I projected on the other being here and breathe through those compound sounds resonating through my ears as fears. Only through applying self forgiveness and self correction my crystallized Mind System Design of Reaction will be able to be removed unconditionally, explode so-to-spaek and be released from my human physical body. I correct myself. I am silence.

I stop this Battle of the Minds. I can’t yet write this out fully… just want to start seeing into this as this correlates to my childhood relationship memories I can’t see quite clear . This is a process. It’s a principle of self responsibility, standing up within myself, stopping reactions immediately, forgiving the person, forgiving myself for not standing up the first time. It’s a process to correct our past time line.

Stopping the mind through simple living principles:

  • Breath in equality and oneness
  • I work with what is here
  • What is best for all
  • Self responsiblity

Reaction as Proof of life versus Breath is Life as who we really are

The other day at work we had this short communication on communication which I start here writing out:

I stated “Reacting is not communicating” on which this being expressed an “owe” and said I have to clarify this for myself first – this is an other blog all together.

Mind-Possessions: In moments when we accept/allow ourselves to have our thoughts run away with us – backchat conversations towards others within blame/spite/comparison/jealousy/revenge that accumulate a reaction-charge of emotions and feelings within self that take-over to such an extent where we yell in our minds, yell with screams/shouts and can manifest consequence to the extent of physical-abuse. The state of the world/humanity is an example of the extent to which accepted/allowed mind-possession has been taken and we’re more than capable of assisting/supporting ourselves to stop it from having to create consequence to the point of no return. Assist/support self to stop the mind of thoughts and energies and so possessions in such moments of conflict/resistance, to be able to direct/deal-with or face inner and outer conflict with common-sense, self honesty, stability and self-responsibility. Join us at Desteni and write/forgive yourself out of possession / mind.

To be followed…

What is Best for All Life —

Get real common sense —

Desteni mathematics —

Transcending Go(o)d the System through the principle What is Best for All

Making sense – seeing common sense?

This morning after 5 and half hours rest and standing up I was annoyed with myself (emotion), there was a stream of little thoughts and emotions of the physical mind popping up and so did quite a lot self forgivenesses in the category letting go of bodily / vanity shit mostly, how I perceive myself. For a while here now I’ve been stopping the thinking game after waking up and in stead standing up in and as breath here as who I am.

OK – an hour later I went to work and realized on the bike I forgot to drink a pot of water (thought) – I can’t remember when I did not start the day with drinking water – I did not freak and breathed through. Wow – this was a cool point to move through as I had become very afraid (emotion) of having to leave the house without having drunk my water.

Today we were with the three of us in the seminar cloakroam. I took the Tablet (with the Desteni lessons) with me in case I had a moment to read, I took it out and one of the female beings asks me what lessons do I study then. This time I did not start on speaking about Desteni! I got a lot of questions in between we were working and was able to answer them most by standing as the principle of what is best for all. She thanked me three times for shattering “her imagined world” and I thanked her for her interest.

At home here I have been pushing myself working together as one. My partner and me went into a lot of resistance for the last six (sex = friction within the physical body) years whenever we had to work together – I would become aware of his resistance not wanting to work together on which I was reacting heavily (parent relationship pattern) – in this I have accepted and allowed myself to deprive myself extremely of my strenght.

Last week I started pushing this principle of doing what is best for all through as myself as at my work – with another collegue and we could understand eachother in what has to be done practically without going into inner reactions.

For all I see that the principle of doing for eachother what’s best for all at all times will clear the ego / mind. It becomes clear where there are my / others personal issues to sort out.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to be emotionally annoyed with myself in stead of being comfortable here with myself.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to have become afraid of not being able to drink water.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realise that sex is creating friction is creating energy through which I go out of alignment with the physical.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to be sad of the consequence of sex.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself into thinking that I ought to have sex.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realise that action – reaction = attracting – pushing off.

I stop creating friction within my mind as destruction of myself in the act of thinking and/ or participating in sex or masturbation.

I stop creating energy from friction from thinking within my mind as the destruction of myself.

Best for All is stopping the destructive nature of the mind consciousness system on the Physical Universe as who we really are!


  • BEST FOR ALL – Equal Life for All — How can we not see?
  • BETTER – self through self transcending the mind system
  • GOOD – we can transcend Go(o)d the System in doing for eachother what is best for All at all times!





Living principles

Self development —

Re-education —

Blogging Every Day – Family about the house

Today my folks were over here for my birthday and I had it made still inside myself the last few months on the subject what I am really doing in this life. For them the matrrix is what life is of course. They don’t spend any words / reactions (‘positive” nor ‘negative’) ab-out when I mention the common sense Desteni material a.k.a. message and the works. Btw – if I could rate it I have had only one ‘negative reaction’ in one and a half years time from this character “Gibbon”.

They let me speak. When I shared on the eye of the needle he recognized it as from the bible – which is for me enough and makes it OK I do this and I can let go. It was my dad who told me as a child a zilion times not to make thoughts / mirages / illusions, to stay grounded on earth. Also he used the words common sense a lot when I was growing up, by which I never knew for whos benefit this was lol. So it is still between us which is best for all as for my process of realising selftrust as myself, allthough I don’t know what they really think. By having them worried, I make them sick – so I don’t want that, cause that keeps on circling in our minds otherwise. For I’m sure they want as all Equality = Freedom for All.

Still afraid to say something wrong (speaking thoughts – I was taught to only speak when I knew what what I was talking about:) I could stand up and correct them on some points – one of which is the fall a victim (victims) to the marketing world – I corrected that we allow and accept this by accepting and allowing this entire system. It was cool. So – to follow-up and stand up…

I honor my parents deeply and stand equal and one as them. My father for he ‘spared’ his ‘spare’ time to teach me to write and read when I was 3-4 years old and mom for allways coping with my whims on food for example … As a child I knew my father suffered from sadness / griefs on not being able to go explore more of self due to having to work in the family lumberyard – So this ‘sadness’ / mindness was giving onto me which I experienced as a child by having to cry a lot at night without really knowing why and weird as it was not being sad myself over that at the same time. These things I will come to understand more when I will go deeper and deeper into Past Time-Line Resonance Correction through letting go of ‘attachments’ unconditionally. Through reading the Desteni material I came to understand that my father / we people in general invoke(d) this by taking the soul for real – no wonder he has much ‘knee points’ to release as I have to release the ‘now of consciousness’.

(‘Now’ in dutch sounds as tight, narrow, small, cramped, narrowly)

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself all my life to be afraid of saying something wrong and stupid.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to be afraid of speaking thoughts.

I stop thoughts, feelings and emotions.

I breath.

Winged – Sharing Daily Activities: System Removals

“Understand that – to assist and support self within stopping the existence of self within the definition of ‘Life’ being that of having a Personality that define self as being ‘Individual’ within the living of self as a Ego-Persona of Mind – the definition that is infused/amalgamated within/as self through this ‘Tree of Life’-System = is to investigate and identify ‘personality-definitions’ self… has accepted as self within the definition of‘who I am’ that is lived as self through the Mind Consciousness System. This is done through observing/remem­bering one’s grandparents and parents – that will reflect to self personality-definitions self has copied from them, that self is currently existing as. Personality will be seen within, for example behaviour, mannerism, physical-actions, speech, body-language etc. – all such traits which form the entire definition of self, self exist as through the Mind, reflected from one’s parents and grandparents. To stop existing as such habits of manifested personality-traits defined as ‘living’ ‘life’ –

but manifest self equal and one as all here as self-expression and actually live as Life equal and one as all.”

Video by Bernard Poolman:

Handshake with other beings – What is it?

Aha moment – today when I was at work and ‘my’ collegue was on a break I had a breakthrough myself lol beginning on a huge realisation of how I reversed inside myself the handshake I ‘started’ / did with Herman 6 years ago. Why and what did I do that ex actly? Reassuring to be friends in stead of being self honest because ‘friends’ is a polarity of the mind to ‘foo’ – exists in and of the mind, so says the liar to the foo(l). I am All and Everything, therefor I am a liar and I am a fool. I take self responsibility and forgive myself for these self inflicted points.

It was like a trial and error of an equal and one trying to be, nonthewhile I knew I was here as to give myself back to me, to find my lost particle. I as he deserted self big time prior to our meeting eachother. It is and was betrayal / deception towards myself. So, I wanted to be sure he would stay for he had the income for the house I lived in – I had not denied that though, knew we had to go see what it is what we did. At that time I met him I had a house with no income and had worked myself as life in such a mess I’d done this selfdishonest act in serving him as a good slave becomes (mother matrix system demon playing out).  To serve is to slave. To mother is to smother.

“Voor wat hoort wat.”

This is the outflow of the programming myself as the imprint of the relationship I experienced with my family – father provided and I did what I believed I had to do to not make him angry for he could reject me and leave me having no house and money to live. I knew this all along but never could release myself completely from the the points of not standing up within this co-dependancy and stopping these patterns within and without myself through self forgiveness, self corrective actions, breathing and writing to change into who I really am as equal and one as all here to become Life in and as Breath as the Physical.

Therefor I am ONE vote for Equal Money so the chance of women ‘choosing’ a male for (sub-, unconscious) reason of survival will diminish / END. It’s always the money in the end and the beginning.

Read on the ‘origin’ of  Handshakes–Symbol of Equality? by Maite’s Desteni ‘I’ process here

Me here in and as the Physical – self first to less the thirst for Selfintimacy

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to have reversed myself into thinking having to be equal and one with and as Herman (= deception) in stead of self first being equal and one with and as myself, me and in being equal and one with and as all as one and equal as me as life.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to have fooled myself by giving my hand away and taking his hand, in that obducting both our responsibility towards ourself.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to lie to myself in really beLIEving that this handshake was real.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that my partner was here to bring me back to me in stead of realising that I am here to give myself back to me.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself that anyone outside myself has anything to do with me in stead of me realising I have have to do with and as myself is freeing myself from the mind through the key of self honesty.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to slither myself in all kinds of ways possible to not make my dad angry out of fear of rejection.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to have been walking on eggshells in stead of me walking here as equal and one as all.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to have deserted and hurted myself.

Blogging Every Day – my Netlog being blocked

OK – a lot of resistance for writing is coming up again – because I have tons to write about, I want to write but I create resistance in myself for me expressing me in written words  – therefore it is the mind blocking me. I here start to write about that I was sad being blocked by Netlog due to irregularity. I was asked to befriend some starting band and to vote for their stuff, so I befriended and asked them to vote for Equal Money on their guestbook saying hi. “Desteni will rock your world.” Only what happenend was that Netlog was quite slow in processing the message through which I accidently posted this message three times and that was probably regarded as an abuse. So – that is considered abuse – go figure, these lads were not able to see for themselves what this was about. Netlog moderator and members kind of lost here perspective on abuse.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to create resistance within myself for me expressing me in written words.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to create resistance within myself to write out my shit as thoughts, feelings and emotions.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to create resistance to write on a topic that comes by on the day.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to become disappointed when people can not calm down first to see for themselves which is what.


And I became disappointed by a call from work about my nosepiercing. One ‘superior’ human being noticed that I lately had / did not remove my piercing automatically and therefor instructed another being to call me to say so and warn me in stead of this being saying it into my face on the workfloor. We are bound by company hiërarchy p(l)aying and / or not daring to be direct.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to resent the regulations of the matrix.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to dis(agree) the appointment there is about piercings in general.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to become angry at the belief that the pictures we see are real.


Self honesty, self forgiveness, self corrective actions, breating and writing are the tools to (y)our freedom – visit:

.. to de-/reprogram (y)ourself!